Thursday, October 7, 2010

Going very well!

We've had a busy schedule so I haven't had time to post in a while....

David is doing EXCELLENT since we stopped all stimulant medication for the ADHD! No more violent outbursts and he is a really happy little man! Yes he has little to no attention span but it is so much easier to work with that than the violence. He is still on the risperidal for anxiety/mood and it has been working really well in helping him not get overly frustrated. I think we are on a really good track right now.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Concerta Trial a Bust

Well, we tried Concerta for the past 3 days and it turned out to be a bust! David was moody and then the aggression came out in school today. He ended up dumping his desk and terrorizing the classroom. So we are going back to having David only on Risperidal and having no attention span. I am done trying different medications.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Excellent First Week of School!

David had an EXCELLENT first week of school. And the School is being EXTREMELY helpful and understanding with David. I am so happy that he is doing so well and I hope it continues!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Good Start to the Weekend

I can't believe how amazingly great Saturday turned out to be. David and I took Aunt Em to the Farmers Market. I told David before we left that he had to promise NOT to ask for any animals and he did. I also told him that if he was good at the market we would go to the ice cream parlor afterwards.

He really enjoyed being at the market and enjoyed looking at the kittens that the Animal Shelter had there. We went and got some strawberry jam, tomatoes, and peaches. David asked to go see the kittens again while I paid. Then he came back and start asking for a kitten. I reminded him about his promise and he said "I know but I really want one!" I told him no again and said that it was time to leave, when he replied "maybe we can come back tomorrow and get one. He asked if we could find out how much they were and I told him that they were free but that we can't get one. I could see that this had potential to head into a meltdown so I stressed the point that we had to go. He talked about it all the way to the car, but actually got in the car and buckled up without a fight.

So we headed home in a different direction of the ice cream parlor and he said "mommy we were suppose to get ice cream." I asked him if he thought he was good at the market and he said yes and I asked him if he kept his promise about not asking for an animal and he said no; so I told him that we couldn't go to have ice cream because he didn't keep his promise. His response was a sad "ok" and he left it at that which really surprised me. He was really good the rest of the way home.

He played with water hose and sprayer outside and had a blast. Afterwards he went upstairs by himself and started his shower and asked me to come and scrub his back. I didn't have to tell him to do anything. He decided to put his pajamas on for the rest of the afternoon and we all sat down to watch a movie. He played gently with his new parakeet and then carried his iguana around for awhile. He did really well eating lunch and dinner and asked to go to bed about 8:45. 

I have to say that I really think this medicine is working really well. I hope this behavior continues as he starts school on Monday.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Back to School

David will get to start school on Monday. The IEP meeting went well this morning and everyone seems on board with getting him back in school. They are adding some extra accommodations to his IEP that I am really happy about.

After the IEP meeting we had David's therapy appointment and she said that he seemed like he was doing well and that he is very happy which is so much better than the times before.

Hopefully we are headed for a great weekend!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Stressful Day

I am so happy to have David back home but I knew it wouldn't come without some kind of stress. He started off really great and then when I wanted him to get dressed and brush his teeth he started yelling "NO, I'm NOT doing it". At least there was no violence. He definitly lacks attention and that is really frustrating to me. I hate repeating myself. We did attempt the store today and he started getting upset because he wanted something and I reminded him about the talk we had in the car about not getting anything at the store for him. He actually stopped without incident. The really bad thing is that he is still talking very nasty at me and I don't know how to break him of it. I am very tired right now though.

Got a call from the school and they scheduled the emergency iep for tomorrow morning and told me that I can't bring David....Well, what the heck am I suppose to do...he's not allowed in school and I really have nobody to watch him on short notice. Luckily one of my friends was available and he does really well with her so now I don't have to worry. I hope the meeting goes well. I will definitely post as soon as I can.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

David is Home! Finally!

We picked up David tonight at 4:15pm and took him to Chuck E Cheese for Dinner. He had such a blast! Then we stopped by the house we are looking to purchase and saw a bunch of deer and rabbits in the driveway and he got really excited. We met the owner of the house and she invited us in for another tour since Dave didn't get to see it when I did the tour last week. We all love it and while we were there we got a call from the broker saying that we qualify! David can't wait to move because it is close to one of his best friends. We are so happy to have him home!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

David - Adderall = Happiness

So David was back to his usual self this evening, Thank God! Yes he is a little distant and distracted but I would rather deal with that any day over the violent meltdowns that the adderall caused. We had a very nice visit with David this evening and he was very cuddly! Glad to have my boy doing better! Not sure when he will be coming home but he is getting the treatment he needs.

David + Adderall = Nightmare

Last night was the worst visitation session ever. As we discussed the previous day with the psychiatrist we added back 10mg of the Adderall XR to see if it would help him focus better.

The afternoon visit was ok, but David was very aggitated and didn't want to play. He tried playing ping pong but got really upset and quit and started pacing around the rec room. We knew something wasn't right but we thought that he might just be having a bad day ( I mean seriously autism or not we are all entitled to having a bad day).

Well, bad went to worse at the evening visit. He asked us to bring his transformers tennis shoes because he didn't want to wear his crocs. He had those hospital grip socks on and they would fit in his transformers shoes correctly and he started getting upset. So I got him to put his crocs back on. He started yelling that the socks were killing his feet and that he had to go up to the unit to get his regular socks. We told him that he had to wait and the meltdown began. He started screaming and ended up running into the group room where we were able to contain him away from the other kids and their visitors. Dave took charge and restrained him. David started kicking, punching and biting. At that point I started crying. We tried to reason with him several time (which really doesn't work when he is in this kind of rage, but we tried anyhow). He said that he would calm down and he seemed to so Dave let him go and the rage increased to the point where he started throwing his crocs so Dave restrained him again. This went on several times. His little eyes were getting all bloodshot from the pressure of his screaming and started having trouble breathing. We got him to a point were we were able to get him up to the unit and away from all of the other visitors. If Dave wasn't there they probably would have injected David with a sedative. He was calmer once we got to his room and sat there for a bit. The nurse brought his risperdal and he took it, thankfully.

We were able to get David into the shower and he was doing a lot better and getting sleepy. We had to leave at snack time but I doubt David got snacks because he was on the verge of falling asleep.

It was a very rough ride home. I cried all the way and took 1mg of Klonopin. Dave had a hard time holding it together as well. By the time we got home my body felt like jello. The evening was crap and I ended up having a stress-induced, non-epileptic seizure (guess I should have explained that one under "How I Cope"). So I had one several weeks ago too but since then it has been over a year since I had non-epileptic seizure. However, there is only so much antidepressants can to and my body just went into overload.

Obviously David will not be released today as planned and I am not sure how long they are going to keep him at this point. We are going in to talk to the psychiatrist today. We were going to do a phone conference but Dave's plan is to go and sit there until she is available to sit and talk with us. We will see how that goes.

Monday, September 6, 2010

How Do I Cope

Lately I've been asked "Erica, how do you deal with all of this?" My usual response is "I'm hanging in there" or "It's hard but I try to stay positive and I know it's for the best".

However, I have not been truly honest because I don't want a pity party because I know it will make me feel worse. Some time, yes, I do want to talk about it; but most of the time I would rather just rather talk about normal things, like holy crap Randle El is back with the Steelers, to keep my mind off of what is really going on.

So how do I cope? Well, right now I feel like I really don't. I am thankful for the antidepressants I've been on since all of this started and I am extremely grateful for whomever invented Klonopin for anxiety (or whatever it was initially meant to be used for)! My only downfall are the cigarettes I smoke. I never intended on going back to smoking, gosh I quit back in 2000. However, I wasn't coping and I thought hmmm...cigarettes or alcohol.....I am definitely more coherent with cigarettes so that's where I am. Now I am not saying that I don't drink because appletinis are my favorites! But it is a very occasional thing.

So back to the topic at hand. My morning are always early, it tends to be "me" time! Which I thoroughly enjoy. I use it to check my email, update facebook, and write here. About 7:30am rolls around and I usually hear the pitter-patter of my son's feet heading through the upstairs hallway and down the steps. His head usually peeks around the corner and he lets out a little giggle because he knows Mommy is always at the computer in the morning.Then he runs to me and gives me a big snuggly hug and I ask him how he slept and he whispers "good mommy".

This past week has been horrible because none of that is happening. It plays out in my head, an ever so sweet memory and I just sit here feeling lost. My mornings now consist of wandering around the house and picking up a few things and putting them away. We currently have a lot of clutter which could be aggressively cleaned up, but my mind refuses to deal with it because it is a pile of chaos. Have I mentioned that I don't deal with chaos well? Well, I don't!

Dave has been great with putting the laundry in the washer and I try to remember to put it in the drier but sometimes I forget. Dave has been able to sit down and watch several movies but I just can't seem to sit still. So I do some more wandering. The only time I really sit is when I am at the computer or outside having a smoke. And there are times when I just sit at the computer and stare at the screen. Dave is here for me and willing to listen whenever I want to talk. But just his presence helps me know that everything is going to be okay. 

Yes I cry, a lot. Most antidepressants help curb that but there is only so much a drug can do and I do not want to take anything stronger because I need to feel that emotion and not be a zombie myself. I no longer keep things bottle up but I have and issue with things eating at me and that is my real problem. Yes I have my own therapist and she is wonderful. I know I would be 10 times worse without her. I've told her that I just feel like walking out into the middle of traffic on Rt. 17, but I know I would never do it and so does my therapist. It is just a nice thought sometime. Yes, I am crazy in my own way, but I would never hurt myself because that is extremely selfish and against my beliefs as a Christian.

So, how do I cope? I don't! I get by with the means I know and the knowledge I have and I try to just hold it all together. It is like hanging by a thread and that thread is really frayed. And I will hang there with all of my strength and know that I have the help of others when that thread feels like it is going to break.


I spoke with the doc and they said that his attention was extremely short so we decided to add back the adderall xr but only 10mg to help him focus in school. The doc also said that he might be able to come home Tuesday afternoon.

Yesterday's afternoon visit was pretty great until David started getting frustrated and punching himself in the head and stomach. So I spoke with the doc about it since we are adding back some adderall and our concern about it adding to the aggression he was displaying with the frustration so we decided to up his risperdal to 1mg. The rest of the visit went well. As we were waiting to leave David hugged me and looking up at me and said "Mommy, I miss you a lot...Can you talk to them and see if you can stay all day?" There was definitly no holding back tears there, the flood gates released and I held him so close and told him that everything would be okay and that as long as he listened he would get to come home soon.

Since they increased the risperdal they needed to give it to him a little later so he wasn't asleep by 7:30. That posed a problem when it was time to get dressed after his shower. He started fighting over the socks he was going to wear and it took us a bit to get him to put them on right (they only have hospital grippy socks in size large so they are big for the kids). He was very aggitated after that and when we took him for snack they reminded him that he had to do his chore (sweeping the floor) today. Well, that set him off and he was very defiant. He didn't have a meltdown, but would not do it. Again we were at a time where the risperdal was worn off from the previous day and the new dosage hadn't kicked in yet. So we will find out today how things went after we left last night. It was difficult leaving him so upset.

Today being Labor Day it is treated like a weekend at the hospital and we get 2 visitations again. I look forward to seeing how David is doing on the increased risperdal and the added adderall xr.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

My Little Man!

Yesterday was a true blessing! My little man was what I remember before the autism wrapped his life in chaos! He was laughing and playing with Daddy and wasn't getting frustrated. My heart just melted!

The afternoon visitation went really well, David and Daddy played ping pong and David ran around outside. When we returned that evening for visitation he was still such a happy boy and Sydney, his wonderful charge nurse, said that he had a really awesome day. Unfortunately she didn't know how tired the risperdal was going to make him so she didn't give it to him at 5 like he was suppose to get it so I asked her to please go up and get it because he did fine the night before and wasn't too tired to visit. She went and got it immediately but he was getting it an hour and 15 minutes later than he was suppose to.

The evening visit went really well with David and Daddy playing basketball and dodge ball outside and then some ping pong again inside. That was when we started to notice David getting frustrated and a bit angry, but didn't get violent. The risperdal from the previous evening had worn off and the new one hadn't kicked in yet. So we definitely know that he must get his new medicine at the exact time every day. He started calming down again and we went up to give him his shower. He did really well and we had to leave when snack time began. David was already starting to get sleepy so we knew he would be in bed soon after.

I really look forward to our visit today!

Saturday, September 4, 2010

The Hospital

It has been a very emotional week....

September 1st David had a very violent meltdown at Kohls where he was punching and biting me. His doctor said that if this behavior happened while we were out that I was suppose to take him immediately to Maryview Behavior Center. His meltdowns have been getting progressively worse and more violent so we drove immediately to Maryview. They admitted him last night and are keeping him for 5-7 days.

I know I made the right decision because I would do anything for David to help him feel normal. It was just so upsetting that I have to leave him there with strangers when he is already having abandonment issues with Dad deploying and then coming back, but has crazy work hours because he made chief. And then with his sister deciding to just move out and she hasn't seen or talked to him since July 8th. Dave's work let him stay home with me the following day because I was such an emotional wreck.

One good thing is that they have visiting hours every night from 6-7 and twice a day on the weekends. So we are taking every opportunity to visit with him. They are letting us stay until 7:30 because we are helping him get his shower and then we get to snuggle with him a bit afterwards.

They took David off all of his meds (adderall xr, abilify and regular adderall) to try giving him just risperdal. David had several meltdowns during the week and they had to inject him with a sedative. He finally took his riperdal Friday night at dinner. So I really hope this works.

I really look forward to visiting him today to see how the medicine is working. I called this morning to see how he was doing and they said that he was doing great and has been really calm. I hope this continues for the day.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

A Bad Roller Coaster Ride

I know I haven't posted in a while....primarily because it has been really crazy around here. David's meltdowns have become more violent. He was so mad in the car the one day that he grabbed my ponytail and pulled it through the headrest. One can not drive while looking at the ceiling of the car....Luckily my Dad was with us and was able to get David's hand out of my hair and he held on to David's wrist so he wouldn't grab my hair again. So my poor Dad got the crap punched out of his arm and ended up with a bunch of bruises.

Naturally for safety reasons I had 13" of my hair cut and donated it to Locks of Love. I was very sad to see my hair go, but I would rather have it cut off then end up in a car accident.

His meltdowns have been more of a daily event now and I hope he will come around soon before school starts.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Daddy is Home

What an exciting day for me and David! Dave came home last night around midnight! David was so excited to see his Daddy after him being gone for 3 months.  It was not the end of his deployment, Dave made Chief so they brought him back home for the induction process. I am so glad he is home, maybe some of David's meltdowns will stop now that Daddy is here.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Going Well

The past few days have been better. I think the increase in Abilify is actually helping. The rock tumbler is now on step 2 (fine grit) and David had a blast cleaning the course grit off the stones. I look forward to our rock cleaning session today! He is on a countdown for our trip to Lucky Lake and talks about going several times a day.

Sunday, August 1, 2010


Well, we tried to go to church this morning which ended up being a bust. He started to panic when he saw that his friend wasn't there so we ended up leaving and heading back home. No meltdown which was great!

Today is a cleaning day so David will probably play on the Wii Fit (which he absolutely loves) or on the Webkinz website.

Much Better Day Yesterday

We are preparing a trip up to Lucky Lake Mines, so yesterday we made a trip to ToysRUs and purchased a rock tumbler since I knew it came with rocks and grit. I figured that this would prepare him for the waiting period of tumbling the rocks from the mine. He is really excited and has been very patient. It turned out to be a very nice day and he had points of aggitation but nothing went into a meltdown.

As always if you have any questions about any posts hear or just looking for some support please feel free to leave a comment. Please remember that I am not a professional, I am hear to share my experiences and for moral support.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

A Horrible Day

So yesterday started out as any other day....meds, breakfast, get get the idea. Then David started throwing things around our reading area and I told him that he needed to stop or I would have to take the toys away from him. He started yelling at me saying "no" and then said "I am going to beat you to death". At that point I just walked away and ignored his comment to not bring further attention to his behavior.

Then after dinner he decided that he wanted 7 powdered donuts. I told him "no, you can only have 2 for now," this lead to him punching me near my left kidney so I picked up the phone and pretended to call the police and at that point he started crying and apologizing. So I "told the officer" that he has calmed down and that I think we will be okay.

After that David didn't want to let go of me and kept holding around my waist. I told him that I needed a timeout and that he needed time to calm down but he wouldn't let go. I reminded him about how his therapist talked about needing time to calm down. So he grabbed his bowl with 2 donuts, while sobbing, and I headed outside for a much needed cigarette.

As I was gathering myself and my thoughts the front door slowly opens and in a very small voice David says "Mommy, I broke your window because I couldn't get all of the anger out." Well, so much for calming down because now I am really worried that he hurt himself. Luckily there wasn't a scratch on him because he broke the window by smashing his giant nerf gun into it. However it did make a big mess for cleanup which I had to do ASAP at this point because of the pets. During that time David sat calmly at the computer playing a webkinz game but I knew in my mind that this has gone too far.

I finished cleaning and then calmly told David that we needed to go for a ride. He kept asking where we were going but I just kept saying "for a ride" because I couldn't tell him that we were headed to the hospital's behavioral center.

We arrived there around 8pm, with tears rolling down my face the whole ride there. When David realized where we were he started crying but did not put up a fight. We met with the crisis team and they determined that since he was calmed down and we had an appointment with his therapist the following day that he was okay to go home and we got home around 11pm.

After a not-so-good night sleep we met with his therapist and she advised that we meet with his medication manager. While David was still in with the therapist I was able to work out an afternoon appointment with his meds manager. The meeting went well and we increased his morning and evening meds. All we can do now is wait.

On a good note, my Dad is coming back down this weekend to help me out with David and to be here for me emotionally. I am so thankful that his is able to make it down here.

Praying tomorrow will be a better day...

Monday, July 19, 2010


Well, vacation to Pittsbutgh went well. We had a few incidents where David decided to punch his cousin in the nose and cause a pretty bad nose bleed. Then at the amusement park he was having a meltdown and didn't want his cousin sitting in the wagon so he grabbed his shirt and started beating him in the head. It is amazing the looks you get while restraining your child on the ground while he is still able to bite your arm. But life goes on and the other parts of the trip were great so we will focus on the positive!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

I wasn't expecting this!

Yesterday while discussing things with David's OT I was informed that David has mild dyslexia. I know that they talked about letter reversal while he was writing, but I guess it never registered that dyslexia was a possibility. I really wasn't prepared. It completely explains why his ready is so choppy and he gets frustrated when learning new words. I just wasn't expecting it. I just feel so bad for David because he is dealing with so much. I know that it really doesn't phase him much, but I hate to see him struggle with this much. I was going to post about this last night but I was still in a state of disbelief that I didn't know what to write. Time to move forward and make sure we are working on strengthening this as well.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

An Awesome Book

I read the most AWESOME book!A Friend Like Henry. This is a must read for any family member that deals with a child with autism. I laughed and cried, but mostly cried because a lot of it hit so close to home!

An Unusual Field Trip

Well, we left early this morning for David's therapy appointment so we could take an unscheduled trip to Maryview Hosptial's Behavioral Center. David didn't know where we were going and I hated not telling him because I always prep him for where we are going. However in this case it was very important that he didn't know in case it caused a meltdown. 

For the past several days David has felt the need to throw stuff at me or hit me with things. I kept telling him that the behavior was inappropriate. Rather than wrestling the object away from him and causing more issue that would probably involve me getting hurt I have just been leaving the room. Yesterday I told him that if he didn't stop hitting me with stuff that he would have to go to the behavioral hospital so that mommy could be safe. Hence the trip this morning.

We went into the lobby of the hospital and sat there to talk.  I asked him to look at how plain the walls were and that there were no toys in an area that appeared to be for children. Just a painting of some fish on the wall. We talked about how he would not have any toys or video games to play here and that they don't have a tv to watch Spongebob on. David got a bit upset, but there were no meltdowns. He was just sad and quiet.

As we left I circled around the building and talked to him about how they don't serve Chef Boyardee or waffels/bagles with Nutella. He started to really cry at that point and I felt horrible. However, I knew I was doing the right thing by showing him that the hospital was real and telling him what would happen and that I couldn't stay with him.

David did really well during his therapy session after the hospital visit. I told his doctor about it and she said that it was great that I took him there. David was fidgety while we talked about the morning visit and how his behavior needs to improve. I am not sure why he has fallen back into the behavior of hitting and throwing things at me again, but hopefully we can work on resolving it.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Another Disability

After a nice visit with the Pediatric Developmental Specialist we officially have a diagnosis of Dysgraphia (a writing disability) for David. This will help a lot in the development of his new IEP for the fall.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Group Therapy

Today was the first day of group therapy for David. He did really well and came out really happy. The group is meeting for the next 8 weeks and will be working on social skills. I am so glad that we got into this group session.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Cub Scout Day Camp

Well, there is one more day of Cub Scout Day Camp! David has done VERY well this week. We had a minor meltdown Tuesday evening that lasted less than 10 minutes. I am so proud of how well he listened and how well he got along with having 18 other boys in his group. He has really come a long way since last summer. He had such a great time shooting bb guns and archery! The fire department came to camp and sprayed the hose from their tall truck ladder over the boys. David had sooo much fun! I was so glad to see him this happy since the past few weeks he has been so angry. He is finally relaxing about Daddy being deployed. I am so happy for my happy little man!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

a good ending...

Well, it was a good end of the school year! No long meltdowns and even some really relaxing evenings. We did a special dinner to Joe's Crab Shack on Saturday evening and David had a great well as listening well when it was time to eat, ate well and did not even fuss when I said that it was time to go! I was quite impressed! I bought him a webkinzwalrus today and he absolutely loves it! He really likes to interact with all the online features as well.

Tomorrow is cub scout day camp and he is really excited! I am volunteering all week so I will be pretty beat by next weekend. I am praying for minimal meltdowns this week....keep your fingers crossed!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

good days

the past few days have been pretty good. on tuesday we had a field trip with his class to the zoo. he did really well there. then we went and had dinner at joe's crab shack with aunt em who was in town on a business trip. david did have a meltdown wednesday morning before his psychiatry appointment which caused us to be a bit late. other than that meltdown he has been doing really well. i got to sit in on his OT appointment and he did excellent and i got to learn some things that we can work on at home. friday i go to orthopedics to get my hand looked at and probably x-rayed again. it hurts pretty bad. well it is time for dinner and david is really hungry so i have to keep this short.

Monday, June 7, 2010

a bad evening

it has been a very bad evening so far.he started yelling at me while he was doing his homework and kept hitting himself in the head so i reminded him of our new rules about time-out, 3 minutes for yelling or throwing and 5 minutes for punching, hitting, kicking or biting. he stopped hitting himself but kept yelling at me so i told him that he had to go in time-out for yelling at me and that just blew up into him hitting and punching and tried to bite me. it got so bad that i had to go and shut myself in the laundry room. i thought he calmed down so i came out and he was trying to get the remote off the top of the entertainment center. i took it and took the batteries out and told him that there was no tv until he did his 3 minutes of time-out. he went upstairs and started slamming his door and knocked part of the door frame out then came downstairs and started hitting me again. i decided to call and try to talk to his psychiatrist but they wouldn't put me through to her. they said that i need to take him to the hospital's behavioral ward and that if i couldn't drive him myself that i would need to call the police to take him and meet them there. i told david that i was calling the police and he got really scared and started crying and saying he was sorry. he sat with me in time-out for 3 minutes and we talked about what would happen if he had to go to the hospital and how he would have to sleep in a room all alone there and he got really sad and said "but who would feed me?" I told him that some special doctors would take care of him and that he wouldn't get to see mommy a lot. I just can't stand the thought of having the police take my baby away but if it comes down to it i will have to do it to keep him and myself safe. I hate seeing my little boy this way and i wish there was some way to get through to him.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

yes things can get worse

this will be brief as my right hand is in a partial cast....

david had a bad meltdown tonight because i shut the tv of and told him that he had to get a shower so he smashed the metal folding stepstool into my right hand tonight as i tried to grab it from him so he wouldn't hit the tv with it, spent 3 hrs in the er. i have a bruised bone where the thumb joins the hand and he might have cracked one of the small bones between the thumb and index finger. i have to go for more xrays on tuesday and may have to see ortho, but he said that there might not be anything they can do. it hurts pretty bad. david cried when he realized that he hurt me and insisted that he come to the er to make sure that i was ok.

we are still headed camping for the weekend for his birthday, just won't be able to swim. good thing i fish lefty!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


Well, the meltdowns have gotten worse since Dave had to deploy. He is back to hitting really hard and digging his nails into me. Thank goodness therapy is tomorrow....for both of us. I can't even go to the bathroom without him waiting right outside the door tapping on it to make sure I'm in there. I feel so bad that he is this upset and doesn't know how to verbalize his emotions.  Well, I have to go for now because he keeps calling me from the living room because he doesn't like to be alone right now.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Keeping my head above water

God I want to be able to swim right now, but I can barely keep my head above water and I am sinking fast! David is quickly digressing since Dave is deploying this weekend. He is showing so much anger and has such a mad looking face. He is putting his fingers in his mouth a lot again, spinning in circles and shaking his head from side to side. I know he is feeding off of my anxiety but I don't know how to make mine stop. I wish I could put and emotional bubble around him so that he can't see my pain.  David did well at therapy this morning. He will be using the sand tray more with his therapist to help express his emotions and we got into a group therapy for this summer to help him with social situations.

Today the truck handle broke on the inside so you can't get out without opening the window first. The inspection is due by the end of the month and it won't pass unless it is fix and I only have Dave for a few more days.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

A Good Morning

I got up at 7:30 this morning and got the pup out, watered our topsy turvy tomato plant and filled the bird feeders that have been empty for about a week. David slept until 8:30 when I knew I had to wake him up so he wasn't up so late tonight for school tomorrow. He did really well getting up, took his morning medicine and has been having a good morning. He ate breakfast, played his transformers game on the xbox, had a snack and is watching a little tv. We do not have a very structured Sunday. He was very excited when he saw the cardinals at the feeders and a purple finch at the finch feeder. He loves to watch the birds eat and likes to identify them with the poster we hung by the window. Hopefully the rest of the day will be just as well as this morning.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Fishing Derby

The Cub Scout Fishing Derby was Awesome! David caught 5 fish and actually held a couple of them. This is amazing because he never held a fish before and he was really brave about it! I was so proud of him. He got a bit bored since it was a 2 1/2 hour event. He did have fun running around on the dock with the other scouts. Someone caught a turtle and David thought is was really neat. He was in a really good mood despite how early we had to wake him to go.

Not really sure how the afternoon really was because I wasn't feeling well and took a nap on the couch. Dave took him to the skate park to ride his scooter. He had a meltdown after he fell and hit is chin and wanted to break his scooter, Dave said. When they got home he had David help him paint the coffee table. I was still sleeping at 4 when David was due for his medicine and apparently he didn't get it since David told me at about 10:30pm when he was still awake and spun up. That explains why he was all over the place this evening! Hopefully he will sleep well.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Don't give me that line of crap....

So David came last night with a note from his guidance counselor saying that he was not following the rules in class on Wednesday. The note said that he was not sitting still, tapping on the desk during a song and talking. David has been doing a lot of self-stim since it is getting close to Dave deploying. So I am wondering if this lady is serious so I decide to go to the school and have a chat with her.

She was available during her planning period which was at 10am. So I show up and ask her what the problems is about David's behavior and why he is getting in trouble for something that is normal in his world when he has anxiety. She starts out by saying that what he is doing is "not autistic behavior" (excuse me!), then says "would you suggest that I let him run the class!" Well, that made me hot under the collar and I just wanted to rip her a new one, but we are standing in the middle of the school entrance. I ask her if she tried redirecting David or giving him something alternative to do like just tapping his finger on the desk. Of course she said no....Holy crap! You are a guidance counselor and don't work on redirection with your kids?!?! I knew I was getting no where fast with this loony so I went home and typed a nice email to the teachers and included the principle and vice-principle on the it is:

Good Afternoon,
I wanted to let you know that David's Dad is Deploying for 7-9 months in the next week. David understands that his Daddy is going to help people like he did in Haiti. He does not like to talk much about it so we wait for cues from him if he wants to talk about it. We have noticed at home that David has been showing some excessive self-stimulation (shaking his head side to side), talking/singing/humming to himself and moving/fidgitting around alot and he constantly want to talk to me. This is how he is expressing his anxiety about his Dad leaving. Just telling him to "stop" will not rectify the situation. He will need to be redirected to do something else. Please be patient with him because what he is doing is not wrong in his world and this is how he knows how to cope.
David will continue with his psychiatry appointments on Wednesday mornings and will be late to school. I will continue to pick him up on Wednesdays afternoons for his OT appointments.
If David is having a severe meltdown prior to school I will keep him home that day. If you feel that he is being excessively distruptive and can not get him redirected please call me. Again I ask for you patients during this trying time for David.
If you have any questions, comments, or concerns please let me know. I am always available on my cell.
Thank you for your help with this matter,
I get a response email from the guidance counselor backpeddling to save her rear! She was all apologies and kissing my rear for bring this to her attention and that if there is anything she can do for us to let her know. Well, whatever lady....I saw your true side this morning and I don't play games!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

The countdown....

Well, it has come to this....10 days until hubby goes on deployment for 7 months or so. I hate the "or so" part with the Navy. David knows Daddy has to leave to go help people and he is okay with that. David did really well when Dave had to leave to help in Haiti. But then again David was also glued to The Nightly News to see all of the people getting help. Sorry, no TV coverage on this....

David is still sleeping peacefully and hopefully having wonderful dreams of the upcoming scout fishing derby this weekend. We try to focus on the positive things we are doing with David but I know he is feeding off of our anxiety of Dave deploying. I can only hope that these next days don't drag on so we can get on with a routine that doesn't include Dave. Sorry hun!

In the mean time there are only 5 weeks of school left until summer break. Yippee!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Chaos...I hate chaos.....

Holy crap! So go to pick up David from school for his OT appt. and he is already upset. He got a papercut and then he wasn't allowed to play on the playground because he said that he got in trouble in resource class for something that he didn't do. He was very upset in the car on the way to OT and finally calmed down when we got there (thank goodness). So we get home from OT and he is wound up like a top. Finally got through his homework. Hubby brought home Arby's and then David wanted to play his Spongebob video game on his TV. Of course the batteries are dead  so I am trying to change the batteries and then hubby needed help finding some paperwork. Told hubby to wait because I had to get the SBSP game upstairs ASAP! Then I think David only played for about 10 minutes so he came back downstairs....Well, David is so curious about all of the files we are going through and asking tons of questions. The problem is that he ALWAYS says your name before he asks a question and you MUST at least say "what" or he will just continue saying your name.....yoi! I finally get him to sit down on the couch and watch Mythbusters in hopes to have a little quiet.

So older daughter is not feeling well and talking back about why she has to do the dishes if she doesn't feel well and starts shoving things while putting away the dishes and ends up breaking a plate. Of course David has to come running in to see what all the noise is about...luckily I was standing in the entrance way and was able to stop him before he stepped on anything. The trash is over-flowing because apparently nobody else has the ability to take it out other than me! Then David wants to move his play table from one room to another and I told him no which causes a minor meltdown that lasts about 10 minutes which has him running around screaming "mommy's not listening!" Well, I guess the time I just spent cleaning off his play table was for nothing because he decided that he was not going to play with the empty waterbottles on the table if it wasn't in the other room.

Glass cleaned up by hubby (thankfully), got David back to Mythbusters and got the trash taken out, when I get back inside the pup had just peed on the carpet! WTF! So I cleaned up the pee and put Natures Miracle on it and now David is running around again yelling through a waterbottle that he cut the end off of to make it into a megaphone. GREAT! Wonderful! Daughter doesn't have her reseach paper fixed because she says that MS Word won't are 17 and have written several papers by now and you can't remember how to indent citations....are you serious?!?!?!?! So rather than showing her I just fixed it and printed it.

David has just decided to take 2 of the empty waterbottles and cut the bottoms off, then took the jar of mixed nuts and put some in the one bottle and mash the other bottle on top and started shaking it making a ton of noise. Why is he not calming down by now. His adderall should have worn off and his abilify should have kicked in....what the heck is wrong!!!!!!

I think it is time for bed!

Catching up....

I want to get better about blogging all of this. I know there are plenty of other families out there with children with ASD and are new to this change in their world. I would like them to know that even though their child(ren) may act in different ways, we are all in this together.

So over the past few months we have really become involved in Cub Scouts. The other scouts are very accepting of David! This is also great because there is no competition like in sports. David has earned his Bobcat and Tiger Badges with the rest of his Den. I think the greatest thing is that his Den Leaders treat him like a NT (Neuro-Typical) child and they don't tiptoe around him like he is broken or an outcast. I love the environment for him because it is helping him grow socially.

As for me I have had my ups and downs over the past few months. I stopped blogging in October because I got broncitis really bad and was off and on sick until February. Now it is allergy season and my snoring has gotten worse so I am sleeping on the couch for now. The Citilopram and Klonipin are lifesavers since I don't deal well with chaos myself. I still cry after David has his meltdowns and usually go through a hopeless feeling. I hate when my son hurts inside and can't verbalize how he is feeling and it all comes out in a meltdown.

David's Therapy is going well! His Doctor is AMAZING! She helps with tactics I wouldn't have thought of like having a bin of squishy balls and toys that he can squeeze rather than digging his nails into my arm when he is having a meltdown. He has also gotten away from the biting for the most part. He bit me 2 days ago and that was the first since December. Having the concrete rule "We Do NOT Bite" has really seemed to sink in and we can move forward on other appropriate behaviors.

I think the hardest behavior to change right now is him saying the word "damn". When he gets mad it is "that damn this, and that damn everything". We have a damn table and apparently when he is really mad I am a damn mom. Doc is working with him on replacing with darn as are we. Luckily I haven't gotten a call from school about it, but we are worried about how friendships are going to last if he says it infront of other parents.

OT is going well also. He has learned to tie his shoes and he is able to focus better on his handwriting. Now that it is getting close to summer we really need to work on balance. He got a scooter for his birthday and can ride it a bit but has real balance issues and I haven't mentioned that he still has training wheels on his bicycle. It is hard to have him practice at the house since we only have a long gravel drive and a giant yard. We need to start making more trips to the neighborhood next to us for more practice.

Well, that's about all for now. Will try and start posting more often because I feel this is important for me.